Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Let's all please have a moment of silence for the death of "cool and sexy"

I must take a moment and deviate from my usual conditioner and now and then shoe ramblings to mourn the death of "cool and sexy".

During the mid-80s I fell madly in love...in a movie theater. With who you ask?

There I was rockin' to the beat with everyone else in the Southbrook Mall's theater at the new release Krush Groove (many many months after it was originally released) But this was an exciting time for us. It wasn't often that the South got such a vivid view of hip-hop. This was pre- Yo MTV Raps, so most of the visions we had of hip hop artists were limited to album and cassette covers....yup albums and cassettes. (And if you have only ever seen CDs in your life...get off my blog youngin' LOL!)

Anyway in the mist of all the rocking and dancing, the images on the screen took on a new life for me. The man of my dreams burst onto the screen in a blueish gray Kangol and shirt. Oh chile, I was done. Who was this man that done ran away with my tender heart...none other than LL Cool J himself. And for those of you that don't remember cause that Alzheimer's is actin' up or you are too young to remember ( you shouldn't be here anyway, I told you to get out earlier), this is when I first met and fell in love with LL.

Um, um, um...over the years I fell deeper and deeper in love with those dimples and luscious lip that he's always licking. Whoo...hello...somebody get me a fan. My walls...can't remember what color there were, were a shrine to the fabulous, luscious, gorgeous, fine LL Cool J. I died and went to heaven when he released "I Need Love". I even loved him in later years when he made it cool and sexy for the fellas to walk around with one leg of their jogging pants pulled up (now in hind site...I can't believe how stupid that looks.)

And good Lawd, as the boy has matured into a man, full of luscious rippling muscles...whew, my fantasies of him escalated. Hey where is that fan I asked for...and bring me some water too.

But alas...all that sex appeal and coolness has now come to it's death and I must morn. But LL is still alive you say. How could I be mourning him? Well the LL I know and love has passed on to a better place. Left behind...{sob}...is a old ass Sears 1970's polyester smelling, Old Spice wearing representative.

WHY LL! WHYYYYYY! You can't represent sexy and cool if you are the spokesman for Sears and Old Spice. I was just getting over the shock of the Sears thing. You can not exude any nuance of cool with a Sears logo behind you...just ain't gonna happen...no way, no how. Shoot he might as well put on a polyester leisure suit, cause when I see him now, I automatically smell Poly-es-ter...that 1970's version. Y'all know it had it's own distinct smell. But I guess he decided to cover up the smell...with what...OLD SPICE. Come the hell on LL, just cause they put the name Swagger on it don't hide the fact that it's Old Spice. When I saw the commercial...I thought it was an opening punch line to a Saturday Night Live skit. I jumped on the web and went to the Old Spice website and saw the same damned commercial. Umph, umph, umph...how far the mighty have fallen.

Whoo Lawd, y'all my heart is so broken. I know, I know, some say, baby boy had got to make his change...but I say he should get some stripper gear and go on the road. The ladies will pay well to see LL in nothing but a Kangol shaking his thang on the stage. But you can count me out of that group now...cause all I can smell is polyester and Old Spice every time I think of him. Not sexy at all.

Please excuse me now. I have to go lie down. This burden is very heavy on my heart. I'm not sure I'll be able to get over it. He was my first real love after all.


Roscheeta said...

OMG OMG OMG. I never saw that commercial..I couldn't have went the rest of my life without it. OLD SPICE why not come up with his own Cologne....I'm mourning right now..

The Creative Lady said...

Trying to leave a comment on the Curl Activator blog! Girl, I had a curl and cringe when I see photos of me with that thang on my Dad's collage of me! And I was not in Memphis at the time! You are right, Memphians won't let that curl go. If I see another truck driver sitting under a hooded dryer with rods in his hair, I'm going to call him out! LOL